Herbal Supplements
Not Tonight Dear, I Have a Headache

"Not tonight dear, I have a headache". It’s a classical phrase of women who do not want to have sex that night. Like someone says: “When my wife doesn’t have PMS and her periods than she has a headache”. Every woman at least ones in her life experienced low sex drive. More than that, this condition is very common for women. Good news is that the notion ‘sex drive in women’ is compared to ‘sex drive in men’. As there is no category of ‘an average sex drive’ or ‘normal sex drive /libido’ – women’s libido is compared with that of men. This only stays the fact that really, women are not men. And yes, they naturally have strong sex drive. But sometimes they do not have this drive naturally as well.


Women complain of low sex libido for several reasons:

· Her boyfriend/husband thinks that she has low libido

· She thinks that her boyfriend/husband thinks that she has low sex drive

 She feels a pressure of being a good wife/girlfriend to her man (as to make him happy she needs to give him good morning/evening sex besides tasty meals, clean house and a happy satisfied and grateful face; multiply this pressure when this couple has children)

· Society tells her what ‘normal’ (read ‘manlike’) sex drive should be (through movies, literature, her friends stories)

·  She thinks that she has a low libido when compares one period of her life with others (last month she was so crazy about sex and now – nothing turns her on and sex desire seems gone altogether)

Statistics tells us that nearly half of the female population (43 per cent) lack sex drive. Other term for that condition is 'female sexual arousal disorder' (FSAD). Many of these women have no problems with having orgasms, they just do not want to make love at some point. If it is a temporary experience – a woman can skip this phase rather easy, if it persists – it is likely to cause problems in her relations (or with herself).

Decline in sexual interest not always has obvious reasons. In women the psychological reasons are often in the root of a problem, thus there are some physical ones as well.

 What are symptoms of low sex drive?

Symptoms of low sex drive are considered to be those:

·   Woman doesn’t have her ordinary desire for sex

·  She thinks about sex (meaning different sexual fantasies) less than ordinary

·  She masturbates less frequent

·  She doesn’t initiate sex (and even avoids it)

·  Absence of sex (or masturbation) doesn’t bother her for a long period of time (for days, weeks or even months)

What are causes of low libido?

They say that women see sex more like a tool for getting love (than for a pleasure), and men ‘use’ love as a tool for getting sex. In other words, men seek sex, women urge for relations, for tenderness, for love, for care, and of course for its sexual expression. If a woman doesn’t want to have sex – in most cases that means that she doesn’t get something very important for her in relations, love, care and tenderness. Psychological factors are in the root.

Psychological causes:

Depression and other relationship problems. Depression is caused by the inside and outside the bedroom’s problems. Actually, any problems can be a serious psychological issue that will keep woman from wanting sex with her partner. Or will prevent her from getting satisfaction (in case she does have sex). In most cases the problem number one is a lack of communication. If she doesn’t feel herself protected – it’s a problem too. Or that her feelings are not important for her partner. It is also impossible (and very humiliating) having sex after the fight. While a man is pretty good with it as he feels like conquering a woman again (that is rather exciting and turning on in its nature).

In case of depression – if you feel yourself rejected by everyone and totally miserable – it is very hard to get yourself involved into love-making.

Other problem concerns a conversation matter again. Even if you are satisfied with your partner – he is not a magician. He really can only guess what you like and dislike in sex. If you don’t tell it to him – how can he ever make sex a pleasurable process of sharing love to you? Guessing? No, too much time and too little chances. Conversation! Without it your partner may not properly please you that would lead to your sexual frustration and unhappiness, and in long term to low sex drive. Many men may need to be taught where to touch and how to stimulate their partner to the point of arousal. And to teach your partner you need to know it by yourself.

As for depression – many medications that are prescribed to fight depression may have a negative impact on sex drive.

Stress and overwork. If you are living in a permanent stress or working too hard (plus you have a child) than one thing you would do after getting home (in case of having a child – after taking him or her home, feeding, doing homework and getting to bed), one thing – sleep. Immediately. Or, I forgot to add washing dishes and cleaning the rest of the house in more or less appropriate way. Do you dream about kissing and touching? Yes, sometimes about kissing and touching only. And that’s it. No sex. Excuse me. Daily responsibilities can be overwhelming for many people. Stress in its turn gives too much adrenal to your body; it will reduce the producing of estrogen and testosterone, which are vital to desire and sexual response.

Anxiety and fear. These are factors that can also dampen your sexual desire. Financial worries or fear for children can lead to absence of sex drive. Another problem is anxiousness and fear over an ability to perform in bed or to satisfy a partner, which is rather common for women. A woman is so concerned about monitoring the experience that she is unable to enjoy it. Then it leads to absence of sex desire at all.

Past time issues like hang-ups from childhood.

Latent lesbianism. Sex drive to men is excluded.

Deep psychological traumas like abuse or rapes. All this is a deeply traumatic experience that leads to a permanent fear and future avoidance of sexual experiences. Every woman that experienced abuse or rape is afraid to trust a man. Moreover, when this happens a woman usually feels emotional crush but some physical pleasure (as human’s body is designed in such a way) and she is confused a lot, feels guilty about it and mixes these feeling altogether until the total confusion. From now on sex is connected with fear, pain and self-hatred. Counseling is an extremely important for her, after the emotional cure sexual desire can be restored.

Difficult living conditions. This physical cause has psychological background. Making love when you hear your neighbors are fighting and swearing is rather difficult, if not impossible. Sharing a home (or worse, a room) with your parents or some brother-in-law is also a problem. A woman has to always control her emotions and keep her voice down not to wake them up (or to let them hear). Other sounds can disturb woman’s sex desire as well. A screaming cat, or loud depressive music, etc. If happens regularly it sure will bring problems in sex relations. At least for her.

Physical causes: In the root of almost each reason lie hormones.

Periods. To be more specific, it’s anemia that is caused by the iron loss during her periods.

Pregnancy. When a woman is pregnant, her entire body is affected. Changes in hormones affect her physically and emotionally. Desire for sex may also temporarily change, though not always decline, but rather strongly increase. The increasing in sexual desire is also connected with hormones and with an increased blood flow to the vagina. Low sex drive can be also because of the baby concerns.

Common complains of low sex drive in pregnant women are reported during the first three months (when morning sickness is rather tiresome), and the final trimester (when the abdomen's new bulk made sex awkward or uncomfortable).

Post-baby coolness. Low libido can be explained by the crucial hormonal changes and the general stress of childbirth, as it is rather difficult to think about sex when you are so exhausted. Just imagine: you have to always keep you voice down not to let the baby wake up, and if he or she will (it usually happens in the middle of your ‘making-love session’ or just few seconds before you come, believe me) you (or your partner, which is not really much matter) run to your baby, come him or her down and back to your partner (or to you). For your arousal you need to start from the very beginning (and for your partner – from the point you have stopped). Add to this permanent surprises with your breast (if you are a breastfeeding mother) and even if no, you still need to feed your baby every 3 hour (if not more). If it continues day after the day, month after the months (and this probably will happen for a year, before other problems will begin) you are not just unable to think about sex. You are very close to hate sex. Especially when your partner doesn’t help you or doesn’t understand you attitude to sex and its reasons. (Actually, this condition is also true for a man).

Menopause. Sooner or later (better later) you will come up to the point of life when you no longer have your menstrual periods. This will affect your sexual desire in several ways:

·  You need more time to have your orgasm (which can be less intense than it was earlier in your life)

·  During menopause your ovaries do not produce estrogen any more; it leads to the dryness of vagina (that can make intercourse uncomfortable, thus unpleasant), and the lack of estrogen can thin the walls of the vagina (that gives the feeling of soreness during and after intercourse).

Hormone replacement therapy or good vaginal lubricant will help in this case. Other sexual related problem is connected with the notion of ‘sexual identity’ in women in menopause. She identifies herself as a sexy woman if she is attractive and young. As our bodies change at mid-life we may feel undesirable and therefore less interested in sex. Feeling sexy is very important for a woman to feel desire for sex.

Other hormone abnormalities. Hyperprolactinaemia is a condition in which the pituitary gland is overactive and produces too much of the hormone prolactin. It leads to the lack of libido.

Low progesterone levels can also be a problem (it concerns women who fail to ovulate). Failure to ovulate in women leads to a lack of progesterone production, which results in excess estrogen. Excessive estrogen levels combined with low progesterone levels then leads to a hormonal imbalance, which can result in a woman’s lack of libido.
( DHEA)  is another hormone that can get out of balance and may lead to the same problem.

Testosterone is also a tricky hormone. It is the hormone directly regulating a woman’s libido. Therefore, women with increased testosterone experience an increased libido, and vice versa. When after pregnancy (or during it) a woman experiences decline of testosterone production it affects her sexual desire a lot and diminishes it.

Pain during intercourse. This is

·  dyspareunia (an abnormal pain that a woman experiences when her partner's penis enters her vagina) – caused by pelvic infection, a tumor or cyst,endometriosis or lack of estrogen

·  vaginismus (a spasm of the muscles of the lower vagina and results in painful or even impossible penetration). It can be both because of psychological (as rape is) and physical (an infection or vaginal irritation) reasons.

Illness. Even a mild illness decreases sexual desire, moreover major diseases. The following diseases affect your libido: cancer (low self-esteem, tiredness, lack of hair, ovaries or even breast), arthritis (pain and swelling in the joints), diabetes (nerve damage leads to decreased vaginal lubrication and difficulty in achieving orgasm), kidney disease (may cause hormonal imbalances and nerve damage), spinal cord injury (some loss of sensation of the body), epilepsy and other diseases.

Obesity or anorexia. In both cases a woman is not happy and satisfied with her body, thus feeling unattractive and unwanted. An overweigh woman may experience difficulty with her weight while making love. Also an extremely thin woman may see only her imaginary extra kilos around her butt or legs, or something.

Drugs and alcohol. Many prescribed medications may interfere with arousal and the ability to achieve orgasm. Many of them can affect libido. Among them are antidepressants (for treating depression), antihypertensive agents (for treating high blood pressure), antipsychotic drugs (to treat severe mental disorders), tranquillisers, and birth control pills. Oral contraceptives can increase sex drive but may suppress some women's sex drive long after they stop taking the pill. As for the alcohol – permanent consumption of it can also lead to the decreasing of sexual desire.

Nutrition. The connection between nutrition and libido exists, even if you don’t know yet about it. Chronic nutritional deficiencies or dieting leads to severe problems in your hormonal balance and sex drive. Your body needs lipids (or in other words ‘fat’) to create its hormones, including the testosterone responsible for sexual desire.

What can I do about it?

Medical approaches are always available and rather effective for some root reasons of low sex drive. For some – only psychological changes can help. Good balanced food is also necessary, vitamin E is very important for woman’s body. When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation. Localized estrogen therapy is very often prescribed or compound testosterone cream, different nutritional supplement (such as ArginMax that increases sexual desire and satisfaction) and genital massage oil (for example Zestra, the blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a statistically significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm, and pleasure). Also various hormonal supplementations is usually prescribed (testosterone, estrogen, progesterone) if needed.

Different food, beverages and scents can be an aphrodisiac. The world even create thousand of devises and stimulants that can arouse or increase sexual desire or libido: anchovies and adrenaline, licorice and lard, oysters and Spanish fly,…

Nature provides us with healing power in plants and the solution to enhance our health and help to overcome the disease. A great herbal supplement is called horny goat weed. According to clinical trials it increases testosterone production, and improves sexual desire in men and women. Gingko biloba improves blood circulation, thus boosting blood flow around woman’s body and increasing her libido. The blood circulation can be also improved by daily exercises and vitamins, as well as by herbs. For women in their late 30s and older, the best results are from products that boost their hormone levels, such as DHEA, Damiana and Sarsaparilla. Very effective herbs for libido enhancement are:

 Tongkat ali promoted as a tonic, energy enhancer, and as an aphrodisiac

Tribulus terrestris or "puncture vine"used for improving sexual function in humans; it increases blood flow and influences the testosterone release in the body. Tribulus is most often used for infertility, low libido erectile dysfunction and to increase stamina and improve sports performance.

Yohimbe bark is an evergreen tree; its bark has been used for centuries in some western African nations for sexual enhancement. It is a nice sexual stimulant in women who like the enhanced sensation and engorgement of genital organs that yohimbe provides, as long as the dose is kept low to prevent the yohimbe side effects - anxiety, changes in blood pressure, heart rate increase, palpitations, dizziness, headache, visual disturbances, nausea or abdominal cramps, increased body temperature and sweating

Ashwagandha (Indian Winter Cherry) is anti-inflammatory, anti-tumor, anti-stress, antioxidant, mind-boosting, immune-enhancing, and has rejuvenating and sex-enhancing properties. Ashwagandha is mentioned in the ancient Kama Sutra as an herb to be used for increasing sexual experience, it has the ability to restore sexual health and improve overall vitality while promoting a calm state of mind.It is a potent stress calmer, calms down anxiety.

Maca, native Peruvians have used maca root as food and medicine, to promote endurance and improve energy, vitality, sexual virility and fertility.Human studies report that maca herb supplementation leads to enhanced sexual desire.

Mucuna Pririens (velvet bean or cowhage). Mucuna pruriens contains L-Dopa that is used to make dopamine, an important brain chemical involved in mood, sexuality, and movement.

Muira Puama or Marapama ("potency wood"). The bark and root is usedfor the therapy of sexual debility, fatigue, neuromuscular problems, and rheumatism.

Rhodiola rosea is a popular plant in traditional medical systems in Eastern Europe and Asia. Russians have drunk rhodiola tea for centuries as an energy booster and sexual enhancer.

But besides all approaches first stands emotional support and understanding of a partner who wants to help you defeat the problem and who knows how to get you excited in bed. Every other problem has emotional and psychological background in its root. Your (and your partner’s) task is to diagnose the reason and to identify it. For some couples (and it should be the good example) low sex drive in women is not a problem (or a disease) at all. It’s a period of time when they start to gain love and care from something else. From touching, talking, loving each other. Sex is just one of the ways to share love with your partner.


About Low Sex Drive

Low Sex Drive in Men

“Not tonight dear, I have a disaster on work, and my boss is gonna kill me if I wouldn’t do something until the end of the week”. ...

Low Sex Drive

Sex drive or libido is truly ‘LIFE DRIVE’ for the humanity. Men are both hands PRO this statement, women know this fact and successfully ...

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2010-11-16 19:26:50
There is some of this that has been proven to work for some people. However, I believe that there needs to be more testing here in the states. I really don't see it happening, since this may put a bite into the drug industry in the U.S..

Also, I would like to thank you for not only saying that the only option is herbalistic treatments; this gave more merit and credibility to the article! I agree with you 100% that for sex to work, you also need a loving and stable environment.

I have played around with different herbal treatments in the past. I cannot say that they were always a cure for my problems, but some of them certainly helped alleviate certain symptoms.
2008-03-05 08:29:26
I had breast cancer & my left breast was removed. I am going through reconstruction now. To make a long story short my Oncologist has placed me on Arimidex & my sex drive has gone away. My boyfriend thinks I don't care about him anymore. I just have no desire anymore to have sex! I need some help. I have asked the Oncologist to help me but he said there is nothing he can do for me because my tumor in the breast was estrogen based. Please respond to this e-mail. Thank-you
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About Low Sex Drive

Low Sex Drive in Men

“Not tonight dear, I have a disaster on work, and my boss is gonna kill me if I ...

Low Sex Drive

Sex drive or libido is truly ‘LIFE DRIVE’ for the humanity. Men are both hands PRO this ...

Related Herbs...
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